So that's why!
by Kiwi4Rin
Summary: Yammamoto feels like Gokudera doesn't really care for him anymore, and is also very jealous of Tsuna for occupying Gokudera's mind, when that should be his place. But all of their problems really come down to one thing: Gokudera cares too much about Yammamoto. Gokudera finds himself too unfocused because of yammamoto. OOC & angsty, but a fair amount of romance and fluff.


**hey! So, this is my second fan-fic, and I reqally liked how it worked out. **

**Of course everything works out I the end, so no worries. (I don't think that I will ever be able to write anything that doesn't end well. ^^)**

**warnings: Boy x Boy, angst, a small make-out scene, and slight angst.**

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot!**

There were few things that frightened Yamamoto Takeshi. One of those things, the one that terrified him the most, was eating away at the man at the moment. Takeshi and Gokudera had been in a relationship for 7 years now, ever since Takeshi's stuttered confession to the bomber. He had been so happy when he had recouperated his feelings.

It was only a few weeks later, when his euphoria had lessened slightly, that it hit him. A reliaztion of a possibility that terrified him more than anything else in the world. What if Hayato were to tire of him? What if he got bored of him? What if Hayato fell in love with someone else? Thoughts had swirled in his head, but he had chosen to ignore the possibility, deciding that he would be fine, because Hayato would be happy, and that was all that had mattered.

Now Takeshi was sitting at a park bench remembering all of those things that he had thought in, and blocked out of, his mind. They had been comming back lately, full force. _How could I have never seen it before?_ He would think to himself. He was refering to the way that Hayato treated Tsuna.

He had noticed it when they were younger, but had forgotten all about Gokudera's slight infactuation with Tsuna once they had started dating. He had assumed that Gokudera had gotten over it, in favor of loving Takeshi. But now he was starting to doubt his assumption.

"Was I just a replacement for Tsuna?" He asked under his breath. He had begun to pay attention to the small looks Hayato would send to Tsuna, the way he would look over his shoulder to see if _Tsuna_ was okay in the middle of a battle. Not _Takeshi. _He never checked to see if _Takeshi_ was okay. And it hurt, more than he would like to admit. But he was okay with it, because even if he was hurt, as long as Hayato was okay, he could bear with it.

In the weeks after that, he found himself thinking more and more about Tsuna and Gokudera's relationship, and worrying himself to an extreme.

It was only during a raid on a particularly strong enemy's famaligia that he finally lost himself. He had held out for so long, but something had to give.

The enemy was strong. Extremely strong. He couldn't help but glancing over to Gokudera from time to time, to see how he was fareing against his opponent. The problem was that every time he would risk a look, he would find Gokudera looking at Tsuna. It hurt him, but he still had to make sure that Gokudera was okay, so he would still look over.

The fight had been going on for a while now, and his worry for Gokudera had started to flare again, so he looked over- and the second his head turned, his opponent stabbed him through his stomach. He fell.

He had wanted to scream, yell, _anything, _but his voice wouldn't come. In the distance he could hear Ryohei calling his name, and see him rush over to take his place against his opponent. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was Gokudera. Gokudera, who didn't see him fall, who wasn't paying attention to him. Gokudera, who was now helping Tsuna with the boss, completely ignorant of his lover's peril. "Hayato..." Takeshi reached a hand in the direction of Gokudera, " Hayato, _I need you!_" he wheezed, but Gokudera didn't hear him, didn't see him.

As the world faded to black behind him, all he oculd think of was his Hayato, and if he could still be called _his _anymore. It hurt, it hurt so much.

He was shaken awake by Ryohei, who was trying his best to deal with his injury with his sun flames. "Are you ok?" Ryohei asked, worried.

"Yea." He replied with a slightly-less-than-enthusiastic grin.

"Let me help you up" Ryohei said, holding out his hand.

"Thanks," he said reaching up to grab the offered hand. he looked over to see Gokudera fussing over tsuna again.

"Are you sure that you are okay? You look pale," Gokudera asked him

"Ah! yes, but.." he looked over at Takeshi, who shook his head, and looked at Tsuna pleadingly. Tsuna's eyes widened breefly, but then softened with understaning.

"But what, boss?" Gokudera asked.

"Hmm? Ah, it was nothing. Lets get going then, shall we?" they all mumbled agreements.

The second they got home, Yamammoto ran up to his room to wrap his wound and change his cloths. He then went back down the mansion's long stairs, and out the heavy doors, out to a bench that sat by a pond. He walked delicately, so that his injury wouldn't be agitated.

He sat there for a while, mulling over the events of the day in his head. He sighed. "Whatcha doin' out here, Takeshi? Sulking?" Gokudera's voice rang right beside his ear.

" A-ah! Hayato, you startled me!" he said, avoiding the question. Gokudera, noticing the slight wince that takeshi had given when he moved, moved closer.

" What was that?" he asked,

"What was what?" Takashi replied

"That wince."

"I didn't Wince"

"Yes you did."

"Must of been a conditioned response, I dont know!" Takeshi bit back, a little annoyed.

"...Takeshi, are you alright?" Gokudera asked coming around to face him,

"Yes! I'm prefectly fine!" He said, standing up, "Oh! I left some papers on my desk! I need to take care of them!" He retreated quickly

What he didn't see was Gokudera's shocked expression at the blood that had seeped through the bandages and his shirt.

Almost as soon as Takeshi had goten through the door to his office, Gokudera was in there with him. "Oh! Hayato, what are you doing here?"

"... Takeshi, your shirt." Was Gokudera's quiet reply. Takeshi looked down at his shirt.

"Shit! I-ah, Hayato, this is nothing, just an old injury that decided to open up a few days ago!"

"That was a shit lie, Takeshi. Let me see." he demanded.

"A-ah, no it's fine."

"Let me see." He said again

"But I-" He was cut off by a quick glare from Gokudera.

"Now, Takeshi." He insisted.

"Fine." He said, taking off his shirt. Gokudera's breath hitched, and his eyes widened.

"Takeshi..." He started.

"It's fine. I'm fine." Takeshi assured.

"N-no, I, whe-how-when did this happen?" Gokudera asked, obviously stumbling over his words.

"It doesn't matter, Hayato." takeshi said softly. Gokudera jerked his head upwards,

"Of course it does!" Gokudera yelled. Takeshi glanced down towards the floor, debating weather or not he sould bring up his dilema. He thought for a while, Gokudera becoming more upset by the second, untill finally he decided that it needed to be dealt with, that he needed to know. He looked up.

"Do you really care, Hayato?" He finally asked, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"Wha- Of course I care! How could you even ask that question?" Gokudera demanded. Takeshi looked down again.

"What about Tsuna, then?" Takeshi asked quietly.

"Excuse me?"

"What about Tsuna...I'm just a replacement for him, am I not?" Takeshi spoke, letting a few tears fall.

" A _replacement_? You can't be serious!" When he looked into Takeshi's eyes, though, he knew that he was competely serious.

"Ho-how long have you been thinking this way?" Gokudera asked weakly. Takeshi looked up, startled, " I don't know, a while now I guess," he said. He didn't understand why Gokudera's eyes were starting to water, was it possible that he was... wrong?

"Then, that means, that all of this time, all of this time you've been doing this out of pity? You thought that I was in love with Tsuna, so you pretended to be in love with me?! It that it?"

"Wha-No! Hayato, please-" Takeshi began, but he was cut off

" So, you don't actually love me?! How could you keep this delusion going for years! How could you do that?!" He screamed, but then became eerily quiet,

" Who would've thought, the kindness that helped to make me fall in love with you, would one day be the thing that crushes me completely..." He said, quiet tears starting to leak from his eyes.

"Hayato! Listen to me!" Takeshi yelled helplessly, " This was not pity! I love you! More than anything, more than _anything!_"

"Then, why? Why would you think that you were a replacement? I love you, don't you know that?" Gokudera asked

"Because! Because, you seem so much more caring towards him!"

"Wha-"

" Just now, for example, during the battle! They were stong! I kept looked over to make sure that you were okay! But everytime I did, you were always looking at him! And then, when I looked over I got hurt, and you were busy helping him, and it _hurts, _ Hayato, it _hurts._" He was breathless by then end of his rant, and looked away. There was silence for a few moments, but then Gokudera spoke, very quietly,

" It's becasue i'm scared." He started, " Im terrified, what if I lost you? What if you were to get hurt?!" " I can't stand to think about it, so I try not to. I try to block you from my mind while we're fighting. I know that if I were to think about you, to look over and see you, I would be too worried to do anything! I would always be thinking about you, and not be able to fight! I would become a _burden_, Takeshi!"

Yamammoto's eyes widened when the truth dawned on him. This, all of this, gokudera had done bcause he cared about Takeshi _Too Much._ " _oh my god.."_ takeshi said under his breath, but Gokudera started speaking again, even more quiet then before.

" But now," he began as the tears started to run down his face again, "But now, you got hurt because I was trying to avoid looking at you. Maybe, if I had been paying attention to you, you wouldn't be hurt. I'm sorry, Takeshi, I'm so sorry!" The tears began to rain faster and harder, "I love you, you mean _everything to me. Everything, and i'm sorry!_"

"No! Stop, Hayato, I understand now! It's not your fault, even if you had been looking, there was no way that you would have been able to help me! God, Hayato, please don't blame yourself! Please, don't." He said, quickly, but gokudera just shook his head, and he kept repeating "I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

Takeshi rushed over to hayato and grabbed his hands, "Hayato! I'm sorry, about all of this! I shouldn't have doubted you, I just thought-No, it's my fault. Please, stop crying, okay? I love you, Hayato. Why don't you come and help me rewrap my stomach okay?" He tried to console his lover.

Gokudera looked into his love's eyes for a moment. Then, as if deciding that he was serious, he started wiping at his yes, and nodding his head." Yea, yea, okay."

Gokudera left to get some bandages, and Yamamoto sat on the edge of the bed, smiling as he reaslized that everything was going to be okay. Gokudera came back in and began unwrapping Yamamoto's injury. He sucked in his breath when he saw the wound. Takeshi grabbed his hand and told him that it was okay, he was okay. Gokudera just nodded, and began wrapping the new bandages arounf the injury.

Once he was finished, they just sat there for a bit, holding hands. Finally, Yamamoto moved to sit up against the head of the bed. He grabbed Gokudera and pulled him into his lap. "I love you, Hayato" He whispered into his ear. Hayato turned to face Takeshi,

"Thank you, I love you too, Takeshi." He replied with a simple innocent smile, and went to kiss Takeshi.

The second their lips touched, Yamamoto surged upwards to meet him, immediately deepening the kiss, and running his tongue along Gokudera's lips, asking for permission. Hayato immediately opened his mouth, and let Takeshi dominate the kiss. Their tongues swirled around each other, and they mapped out each others mouths. Gokudera's hand reached up run his fingers through yamamoto's hair.

They finally released each other when the need for air became to much, Gokudera's hand still in Takeshi's hair. " I love you." Hayato said simply, and Takeshi pulled him to his chest,

"Me too."


End file.
